// battles //
''sitting on my bed at 3 am, the low hum of crickets in the air and a faint sound of cars rustling along road five hundred meters away, my mind begins to wonder. It wonders to simple recolections of the day's activities - the old couple who smiled at me , the blue car whose lights were a little too bright, and the man with the intriguing hat - suddenly , there is the hair rasing squeal of brakes, the hooting of a horn and then silence.
The low hum of the crickets has faded away, and all that can be heard is the deep breathing of my companion - my cat. My mind suddenly begins to wonder to the darkest of thoughts, almost as if the silence invites the dark memories to arise.
The dark memories dance effortessly across my mind, and creep down into my throat, strangling it along the way. Effortlessly gliding, they reach my chest - tightening it like a fisherman's knot. Next, my arms are to go, paralyzed by the graceful movements of the thoughts who now resemble figure skaters - my body is their platform of ice.
I feel the panic raising up in my body, the tear threatening to spill out - No. I fight with my mind, drawing out my sword , a blunt instrument against this noble warrior. The figure skaters quicken their movements, performing loops & salchows & triple axels - round and round they travel. I can feel their delicate movements in my veins as if the blades were really there.
My breathing quickens. The tears run down my cheeks. My hand shoots up to cover my mouth, so to ensure the defeat i am facing - i face alone.
During the night, that is the hardest time to be alive.''
Sometimes, being strong - just isn't powerful enough to defeat those dark thoughts.
Sometimes, blocking them out - only makes things worse.
And that's okay. This battle you are facing, is not meant to be easy. It is a battle. One with the most powerful opponents - your mind.
Some days your mind will let you win.
Some days your mind will let you lose.
And then, just some, just some days, your mind will allow you to slip into a blissful space of emptiness.
People at every second, of every day, are facing their own battles. Each unique to their own stories, but sharing in the wounds. I face a daily battle of my own, and my one tip of advice:
Allow youself to be bruised. Allow yourself to have bad days. Allow those tears to escape. Allow yourself to be not okay. Allow yourself to ask for help. Find your companion for your battle and seek comfort in them. Warm tea, hot bubble baths, chocolate, worn pages of books, fuzzy socks, fairy lights, ocean views, sunset missions. Be gentle with yourself -you are doing the best you can.
Lastly, please:
The low hum of the crickets has faded away, and all that can be heard is the deep breathing of my companion - my cat. My mind suddenly begins to wonder to the darkest of thoughts, almost as if the silence invites the dark memories to arise.
The dark memories dance effortessly across my mind, and creep down into my throat, strangling it along the way. Effortlessly gliding, they reach my chest - tightening it like a fisherman's knot. Next, my arms are to go, paralyzed by the graceful movements of the thoughts who now resemble figure skaters - my body is their platform of ice.
I feel the panic raising up in my body, the tear threatening to spill out - No. I fight with my mind, drawing out my sword , a blunt instrument against this noble warrior. The figure skaters quicken their movements, performing loops & salchows & triple axels - round and round they travel. I can feel their delicate movements in my veins as if the blades were really there.
My breathing quickens. The tears run down my cheeks. My hand shoots up to cover my mouth, so to ensure the defeat i am facing - i face alone.
During the night, that is the hardest time to be alive.''
Sometimes, being strong - just isn't powerful enough to defeat those dark thoughts.
Sometimes, blocking them out - only makes things worse.
And that's okay. This battle you are facing, is not meant to be easy. It is a battle. One with the most powerful opponents - your mind.
Some days your mind will let you win.
Some days your mind will let you lose.
And then, just some, just some days, your mind will allow you to slip into a blissful space of emptiness.
People at every second, of every day, are facing their own battles. Each unique to their own stories, but sharing in the wounds. I face a daily battle of my own, and my one tip of advice:
Allow youself to be bruised. Allow yourself to have bad days. Allow those tears to escape. Allow yourself to be not okay. Allow yourself to ask for help. Find your companion for your battle and seek comfort in them. Warm tea, hot bubble baths, chocolate, worn pages of books, fuzzy socks, fairy lights, ocean views, sunset missions. Be gentle with yourself -you are doing the best you can.
Lastly, please:
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